Hello! I’m Mary. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 40 and Autism at 42.
Over the last few years I’ve spent a lot of time learning more about who I am and how my brain works. As a result I am now living my life in a way that feels more comfortable and less overwhelming.
Before my diagnosis, I thought I was lazy and useless. I wondered how everyone else managed to keep up with work and chores and shopping and socialising. How did they have the time? The energy? I felt like a useless adult and terrible wife. I felt like I was drowning in my adult responsibilities.
Now, I understand why it was hard. My mind doesn’t work like everyone else’s. I have to spend so much more energy on just existing.
I struggle with planning, sequencing tasks, prioritisation, and working memory. It may not sound like much, but every single thing I do every day uses those skills.
I have to actively remember to brush my teeth every day. A “simple” thing like making a coffee sometimes feels like it has 50 steps. I forget what I was going to put on my to do list in the time it takes to unlock my phone. I have to read every step of a recipe three or four times as I do it to make sure I'm not missing anything.
Add to that the distractions from impulsivity and sensory overstimulation (yes, bright lights can be too loud!) and suddenly you realise that being exhausted by mid afternoon isn’t so unreasonable.
Learning to accommodate my own needs has been key in getting to where I am now.
I have adapted my routines and my home to work with my brain. I’ve learnt to recognise when I’m overstimulated and need to take a break. I’ve learnt to accept that low energy days happen and adjust my schedule to balance that (I’m still figuring out how to keep up with doing the dishes and remembering to hang up the wet washing to dry!)
A common phrase for me as I learnt more about ADHD was “Wait! That’s ADHD?!”. I wished I had someone I could go to and ask the seemingly little questions. Someone to ask “Is this because of ADHD?” Or “Is there a better way of doing this thing?”. I couldn’t find anyone to be that for me, so now I’d like to be that person for you. To share what I've learnt. To give reassurance and support. To help you find a better way to get through everyday and be yourself.
